My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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