just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
