Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
