I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
