I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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