That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
