He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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