Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
