My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
