Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
