Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
