You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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