his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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