wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
