i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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