I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
