The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm at about main and main street
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
