bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
