On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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