I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
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Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
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I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.