Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse