just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
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Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
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On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.