was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
