Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.