Texts From Last Night

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  (954): View more from Florida

  I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.

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  (954): I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay. http://tfl.nu/qnk1
  Replies (32) Good night (1630) Bad night (5484)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule

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  (512): got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule http://tfl.nu/94hw
  Replies (16) Good night (7026) Bad night (807)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out

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  (304): tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out http://tfl.nu/97pi
  Replies (9) Good night (1243) Bad night (5545)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell

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  (203): so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell http://tfl.nu/ausp
  Replies (27) Good night (1328) Bad night (5805)
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  (818): View more from California

  we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes

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  (818): we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes http://tfl.nu/3vzd
  Replies (4) Good night (814) Bad night (3749)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.

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  (503): She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis. http://tfl.nu/3s19
  Replies (47) Good night (8843) Bad night (2238)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  morning after pill = breakfast in bed

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  (978): morning after pill = breakfast in bed http://tfl.nu/l1az
  Replies (22) Good night (1369) Bad night (3923)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy

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  (517): if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy http://tfl.nu/rglc
  Replies (22) Good night (5020) Bad night (1779)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it

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  (504): The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it http://tfl.nu/4bhh
  Replies (14) Good night (4341) Bad night (868)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.

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  (916): Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities. http://tfl.nu/3rzs
  Replies (4) Good night (1513) Bad night (512)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.

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  (239): I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN. http://tfl.nu/tffx
  Replies (5) Good night (553) Bad night (1335)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand

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  (412): Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand http://tfl.nu/54cj
  Replies (3) Good night (1280) Bad night (493)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...

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  (301): well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train... http://tfl.nu/vvir
  Replies (2) Good night (883) Bad night (500)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank

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  (702): Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank http://tfl.nu/6bon
  Replies (6) Good night (535) Bad night (955)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.

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  (317): he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh. (630): oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life. http://tfl.nu/3sw0
  Replies (0) Good night (570) Bad night (315)

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