I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.