the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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