dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I have demons in me.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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