an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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