their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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