I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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