At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
