im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
