Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
