So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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