It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
