We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
