I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just found a bag of teeth...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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