i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
