Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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