We're like a lot better than the average bears
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
