i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
