Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
