The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
