when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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