I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
