Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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