i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
