What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
