He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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