How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
