There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
