am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
