It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
