sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
