I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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