I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
