Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
it's like heaven, but drunker
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
