There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
