hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
