i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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