So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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