shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Couch. On fire.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
