You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
