We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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