is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
