I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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