I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
