what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
