I want to stick my p in your. b.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
