Already got asked if we're dating
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
