i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
