I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
