I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Did you pee in the oven last night??
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
