i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
