I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
