All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
