You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
