12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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