Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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