All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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